Monday, November 17, 2008

Stop Sending Us So Many Fucking Catalogs

Living our agoraphobic life, seldom emerging from shelter, we buy many things online to save ourselves interactions with Humanity. However, when you buy one pair of shoes from Eastbay or one frog bra from Title Nine, you are inundated with monthly catalogs that never cease to arrive. Despite buying things online in order to avoid Humanity and enhance our flabby veal-like texture, getting catalogs we don't want forces us to call somebody and have actual interactions. We are then informed that we might still get 4 or 5 catalogs still before we are taken out of their system. Of course, they are just lying to us and we still get monthly catalogs no matter how often we call about it. Well, we couldn't just burn them on the stove and set off our Xtra-sensitive fire alarm, so we felt pretty helpless.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Das Ötmeil

We haven't done a mailbag in awhile, so we'll start out by answering this question from loyal reader Catholic:

Hi DBB. Long time commenter, first time question-asker. I was wondering, when the folks at Das Bloggy Blog wake up and want a Pollanesque, complex carbohydrate laden breakfast, what do they prepare?

As we all know, adherents to the United Church of Poe-Lan are forbidden from mixing dairy with processed cereal. While other value-added concoctions of processed grains such as bread are allowable, new ones are not until they have been traditionally consumed by 10 consecutive generations and thus proven their safety. As shown above, we put two cups of whole oat groats in a crock pot along with some brown sugar, five spice powder, and salt. Then we fill it up with water and cook it for 8 hours. The nutty, textury goodness that results can then be served with raw milk from grass-fed cows.

Our next question comes from our Facebook newsfeed via Random Asshole We Went To Hick Highschool With:

What do Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Barack Obama have in common?

The only appropriate response to a question like this is immediate defriending. Why don't you move to Canada or Ireland where there are so many more conservatives?

And a final question from an Anonymous reader:

What is the difference between static and dynamic light scattering?

Static Light Scattering measures the intensity of scattered light as a function of angle and concentration; for dilute polymer solutions this yields the weight-average molecular weight, radius of gyration, and second virial coefficient. Dynamic Light Scattering measures the fluctuations in intensity of scattered light; for dilute solutions of particles this yields the translational diffusion coefficient and the hydrodynamic diameter.

Friday, November 7, 2008

5 Foody Things That Currently Are Reflective Of Our Worldview

We didn't have to start cooking for ourselves on a regular basis until we were 20. There wasn't a grocery store within walking distance, so at that point a box of Zatarain's plus sausage and onions equaled haute cuisine. We then moved up in the world to red beans from scratch and various curries. We also went through a slow cooker phase which we may return to at a future date. But Who's Now?