We Were Thinking About Commenting On The Mayoral Elections

But everything we would have pointed out has been written much better by someone else.  Derek Jeter, you are no longer the most overrated New Yorker.

Just Your Standard Blue Screen of Death

So, we were enjoying an evening of watching the Saints go to 7-0 on MNF, not by turning to ESPN -- but by clicking on sketchy Justin.tv links -- all while downloading torrents from Mininova -- when everything shuts down and goes into an endless reboot cycle.

Bacon is More Played Out Than The Bomb Squad's Copy of Funky Drummer

Foodieism has taken this country by the chokehold, with a full-fledged TV network, magazines, and multitudes of blogs devoted to it.  And this culture has come to one crystal-clear conclusion: 

Dr. Oz Should Be Held Liable For His Resveratrol Shilling

From the same nationwide talent search that brought us Dr. Phil, Oprah has introduced us to Dr. Oz. His bits follow two formulas: a 'gross-out' in which he squishes goo out of diseased organs, and an energetic summary of the New York Times Health Section.

You Can Sanitize Our Cold Dead Bodies

In the late 1990's it was realized that smelly goop could be sold to germophobe suburbanites.  Immediately thousands of already healthy people began spreading hand-sanitizer all over their hands and letting it dry in ambient air several times a day.  One of our worst memories of high school is remembering the same girl rubbing in the foul, acrid gel every English class, without fail.  After all, its not clinically obsessive/compulsive if everyone does it, right?

At HCC, It Is Important That You Answer the 'Optional' Ethnicity Question

While its no Polish Microsoft webpage, Houston Community College has some race-optimized advertising (ROA) for you.

So, You're Thinking About Going to Douche School

Every year thousands of university seniors are asked the same nagging question with increasing frequency as commencement approaches:  "What are you going to do when you graduate?"