Litho Guys Über Alles

It's our job to do something new in science and publish the results in an appropriate journal. We publish new results when we have enough of them to constitute an "article". However, in our current position, whenever we have enough results to publish an article, colleagues tell us about every aspect of the article that is not "industry ready" and that we should "work on" so that the "Litho Guys" will "like it". In its current state, "Litho Guys won't like it". Who are these mythical, Litho Guys of yore?
Are they men, cohorts in humanity who bleed and love and struggle? Or are they Nephilim among us who chortle at our inability to single-handedly solve every practical challenge posed by our work? Litho Guys are definitely the latter. While we've heard a couple of Litho Guys give talks, all of our knowledge about the characteristics and desires of Litho Guys we've learned secondhand from our colleagues. These nuggets include but are not limited to:

• Litho Guys are basically the Chuck Norrissi of the science nerd world
• Litho Guys are the living breathing reincarnation of Nikolai Tesla
• Litho Guys quadruple majored in physics, chemical engineering, chemistry, and electrical engineering and matriculated in three years. Meanwhile it took you four to pop your pimples and get a single degree in one of those disciplines.
• Litho Guys ... Come to think of it they are always Litho Guys. Never once has someone told me that a photolithography expert who happens to be a woman will dislike my work.
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• The only thing that gives Litho Guys a boner are really tight tilt view SEMs of line and space patterns that are really small and really, you know, high aspect ratio, and smooth, smooth edge roughness and eaughaGHHHHH
• Litho Guys have to change their underwear right now.
• Litho Guys don't give a shit about thorough discussion sections.
• Litho Guys think your shit is garbage until you have demonstrated defect free pattern transfer over a whole 4" wafer.
• Litho Guys only publish in the peer reviewed journal known as Proc. SPIE, all other journals are pretty much an academic circle jerk. Well, maybe JVSTB is OK if you're a pretentious douchebag.
• You should work really hard to impress Litho Guys even though they never offer you research money or a job or citations or any other tangible reason to do so. Just make an offering and hope for the best.
• See this room full of Litho Guys? Each one of them is the smartest motherfucker in the room.
• One of them proved in Proc. SPIE two years ago how that last one works out.
• Seriously guys. When will those EUV assholes get that shit working already so that we can make the 12 nm node by 2016?!? Amirite? It is their fault for not just buckling down and making it work. It is never the Litho Guys' fault for putting all their funding eggs in one flawed basket at the expense of promising alternatives.
• You should spend 2 years reproducing others work so that you can make a really awesome line and space pattern tilt view SEM and publish it in Proc. SPIE. Don't bother publishing anything until that point. Once you publish your really awesome line and space patterns they might give your PI research money while you have to become a line engineer because you only published one article in 4 years and it was in Proc. SPIE.
• Intel called and needs you to come in and fix their Suss MicroTec Mask Aligner so that the Litho Guy can get data for a Proc. SPIE paper. Fuck your Saturday.
• If you want to impress a Litho Guy, the first slide of every talk you give should be the critical dimension equation. Then there should be some fake science that leads to a line and space pattern. DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THIS.