City Impressions: Manhattan

City Impressions is a reoccurring Das Bloggy Blog feature in which, after only a few days of experiencing a 'city of interest', sweeping generalizations about "how this city is" will be given. Certain to annoy locals, assuredly we will "not get it" and not have experienced the "real" city of interest.

To inaugurate this horrible reoccurring feature, we thought we would first rag on the place we currently live. Manhattan is a pretty big island so completely packed with people that you can constantly relive your worst claustrophobic nightmares. No matter where you are in Manhattan, you are actually taking up valuable space that could be more profitably utilized by a banker with bonus money to spend. Hey you! Leaning against something to the side over there! I need to go over there, move it!

Now with such overcrowding, one would think Manhattanites might venture to places outside of the island from time to time. Not so. Considering the public transportation options, Manhattanites have a world class island mentality problem. First of all, convincing someone from Manhattan to do something in Queens or Brooklyn requires a sales pitch so strong it deserves a commission. Then, if you are even successful getting them to leave the island, they spend the entire time nervously looking at their watch, certain that by the clock strikes eleven every subway will start running bihourly, stranding them on a hot platform with nowhere to pee. No, they would actually rather do something just as far away from their apartment as what you proposed, but still on The Island.

So, they spend their time on The Island, meeting other people from The Island, and asking/receiving the same exact 3 questions over and over:

1. What do you do? I don't know you and need an easy way to put you in a mental box.
   
2. Where do you live? Now I need to judge you. Note that, since I already know what you do, If you are living in a neighborhood I think is outside of your means, I am free to speculate on how you cover the balance.
   
3. What do you pay? Now I gotta make sure you aren't getting a better deal than me. Whats that? You were raised to not tell mere acquaintances personal details such as this? Let me repeat: So, really, what do you pay?
   

In Manhattan, people don't have housewarming parties as much as "3rd question" parties.