Welcome to the Jungle

Butchering animals for a living used to be something you went to college to avoid, but in the up is down, PBR is table wine, "humanely raised = vegan" world of noveau-Williamsburgherlund, the dumbest generation ever has taken an unironic interest in the craft. But, "in this economy" you can only wish that you could butcher animals for a living. No, you will passionately butcher animals in your spare time, for free, for the profit of a profit-generating enterprise.

Buying Glasses Online

photo by josh

Lately we've been sporting some clunky, thick-framed black glasses that would have been stylish in Hipsterville, oh 5-8 years ago. Luckily for us, this puts us right on the cutting edge of Engineeringdom. As a defense mechanism for coming off as some kind of hoity-toity downtown motherfucker, we postscript our responses to comments about them with "They were $40 online". It's a fact -- you can buy the same quality frames sold in stores easily for that much, including the lenses, coatings, and shipping. In this post we pass along our experiences on the subject.

When The Pressure Is On, Just Shockey The World

We bought plane tix to NOLA as soon as Garrett Hartley's kick went through the uprights and broke Brett Favre's ankle. Otherwise, we couldn't have looked ourselves in the mirror as Saints fans. Lucky enough to watch the game on a projection screen! with perfectly synced! audio in the French quarter!, we then hit Burbs drinking Modelos from Rouse's. It was an all-time great weekend, complete with ALL the faves: Central Grocery, Pho Tau Bay, Babylon, and Cafe Reconcile.

Want Wal-Mart To Steal Your Ideas?

We remember in the early 2000s when the guitarist for Limp Bizkit quit and the search for a replacement took the form of open auditions in Guitar Centers across the country.  Prospective Bizkits had to play original material, which was recorded, and sign an obligatory waiver.  Not only did the shrewd Durst eschew all the contestants in favor of the "guy from Korn"-- as internet theorists claim -- he had an album's worth of riffs to steal without liability.  In this spirit, we would like to publicize the 2010 Walmart Better Living Business Plan Challenge!

Freestyle Chickpea and Sourmilk Bread

Just about every type of food that can be dried and ground up is sold in flour form by Barry Farm.  Using the buckwheat flour for pancakes has been a long-time love of ours, but we were a bit dumbfounded about how to use the chickpea flour we impulse bought.  We've also been flipping through Wild Fermentation by Sandor Katz for tips on making home-fermented foods like Kim Chi.  Rather than just listing recipes (we hate following recipes), Sandor takes the time to explain the basic frameworks behind everything.  That way you are encouraged to improvise while still being assured of edible results.  People may think of sourdough bread-baking as annoyingly exacting, but with the right strategy you can throw almost anything in and thus have fun while doing it.

The Pollanization of Uhmerica

Last week we witnessed the great Poe-Lan address a Barnes and Nobles room chock-full of weirdos to promote his new novella.   It's a crowdsourced compendium of common-sense commandments that can ruin your relationship with fat friends and family as a transparent and awkward gift.  His original seven word edict (Eat Food Not Too Much Mostly Plants) was a bit too enigmatic, so he made like sixty rules of thumb that can be accompanied by smug chuckling.  While it should really be a free pamphlet or series of blog posts, his publisher would much rather add in some light sketches of real food, and charge for it.

Just to Piss Off RockinnRetarded, Who Often Wistfully Fantasizes About Being the 4th Manning Brother

After pissing the regular season away, and during the bye-week before the inevitable, glorious one-and-done, we have some time to discuss an issue that has been really nagging us: why is Archie Manning so revered?