The Future Will Be Full of Disgusting Cross-Contaminated Beverages

Recently The Consumerist had a fawning post about a new Coca Cola fountain beverage dispenser that has more than 100 flavors. We on the other hand were horrified. There is a lot to dislike here -- the slow touch screen interface sure to confound the technologically challenged, the loss of the time-honored childhood tradition of combining multiple flavors, the Skynet-esque computer ubiquity...


No, we are horrified that these 100 flavors all come out of the same dispenser cone. Thus, when you get your diet Sprite it will come out still tasting like the Orange Fanta or Monster Energy Beverage the person before you got. Gross. We are getting flashbacks to the last time we got a milkshake at Burger King and it had tiny pieces of strawberry flavor in it from previous orders. Able to previously subsist, shake-wise, on Wendy's Frosties -- we have now been informed that even this earthly pleasure is off-limits. Not content to spin the Frosty into crappy Blizzard rip-offs, Wendy has gone and perverted the simple Frosty into liquidy strawberry form. In this case, Mr. Costanza, all the pipes going to the same place is a bad thing.

We suppose this is simply a sign from the great Poe-Lan in the sky that our boycott of some forms of industrial foods should be extended. Keep note, that in the future we will all sequentially insert a communal feeding tube into our mouth, and after the brain scan, the turkey sandwich you were thinking of will come shooting through in pre-chewed form ... tasting like the Orange Fanta the person before you thought of.