The Power of Marketing

Corona is a bland Pilsner that necessitates a fresh lime wedge in order for it to have any recognizable flavor. Of course, Don Draper would have you believe that it isn't bland, no, it is smooth and drinkable. And, it is the only beer that you can put a lime in. Despite the fact that many beers will taste good on a hot day with a lime, lemon, or orange wedge, many people will protest quite vigorously if you propose such a travesty. In fact, the flavor of many lagers and brown ales are nicely complemented by addition of a lime wedge. But, the manufacturers of those beers haven't put considerable effort in developing a defacto copyright on the practice like the makers of Corona have.

At our departmental BBQ there were many limes leftover from our chicken marinade, and we suggested to others that they try putting wedges in their Heinekins or Amstel Lights. After all, those beers are pretty bland too. However, this usually was responded with a quizzical look, followed by, "But this isn't Corona!". We had to try really hard to get people to think outside the narrow beer + fruit window ingrained in our souls by Don Draper. What we're trying to say is -- put limes in your bland beers. Any brand. It prevents scurvy.

WKCR -- Left of the Dial and Above Your Tax Bracket

We like us some college radio. In fact, we are like that bland SuperTrain guy from Singles who reminisces about the glory days as we flip through our record collection(s). Two things that were as integral to our college radio experience as accidentally dropping the F-bomb before 10PM were:

1. Fundraising
2. Bureaucracy

Now these weren't the fun, glamorous parts of college radio, like accidentally dropping the F-bomb before 10PM. That was as much fun as we'd had since we were children, when we used to seal lit firecrackers in glass jars and fling dogshit at moving cars from behind a fence. Simultaneously. We had a lot of awesome e-coli infections back then, too.

Fundraising and Bureaucracy were the unfun parts of college radio that involved browbeating by our elders and learning something about something as it relates to life, and our world. Like most college radio stations, we didn't set our sights for the stars and envision a future without those things. For instance, we didn't gather up all of our Low-Ivy entitlement and expect an endowment, whose interest would completely fund our activities. This however, is the plan of the 'college' radio station WKCR, which is loosely associated with Columbia University.

Neither a student enterprise nor a club, the radio station exists outside the umbrella of University governing boards, and thus is not in line to receive money from student life funds. Before a plague of monetary problems struck the station, this existence apart from other student groups suited them. But a spate of financial issues, starting in 2001, has decimated the station’s bank account. The station embarked on an initiative to raise a $4 to $6 million endowment, using the interest to pay for operating costs.

Most stations use student programming funding. Of course, that entails dealing with bureaucracy and actually having to accommodate actual students. (the Horror)

“Is conforming to ABC [Activities Board at Columbia] guidelines worth the $30,000?” she said. “The answer is probably no.”

It's certainly true that student programming funding won't cover everything -- so most stations also set aside a couple of weeks every year to roll up their sleeves and do fundraising.

Ben Siegelman, CC ’07 and the 2006 station manager who helped formulate the endowment plan, said he wanted to “come up with some sort of financial plan in which the radio station did not have to rely on on-air fundraising. I was sick of fundraising.”

Well OK, nix that. The article then notes that their antenna was on the WTC and the replacement one only reaches 10% of the former audience. Of course, something like that only is relevant to two things: fundraising (already out of the question), and advertising. So how about throwing a few spots out there?

“We could have commercials, but then we’d have commercials,” Whitcomb said flatly, “and that’s not art.”

Apparently, if you have a trust fund, you expect the non-profit you work at to have one too. And with a $270K annual operating budget, you need a really big trust fund. Some of this $270K goes to actually paying one guy to do a show and live in New York. Seriously, if you are that hard up to fill airtime, just steal somebody's iPod from a Vampire Weekend show and take a nap. That's basically what most college radio amounts to these days anyway. Of course, not being officially tied to Columbia University means that they actually have to pay rent for station space. We're guessing this is probably the most abnormal part of their budget. Additionally*, their pristine, state-of-the-art equipment looks nicer than the 30 year old mixing boards and duct-taped CD players sported by most other college stations. If only they had the kind of bourgeois networking that WKCR thinks** they have, they too might be able to sneer at such non-profit drudgery as fundraising, bureaucracy, and selling out to the man.

*We apologize for whining! And we are referring to the linked article's picture -- not the one we swiped from the Onion!
**We are uh, skeptical of this plan. But we guess if raising 270K a year is hard, pulling in a $6 million endowment should be a piece of cake.

so here in alaska we were watching the vice presidential debates and...

sarah palin said that as VP she would cut punctuation from the federal budget to save average working americans their tax dollars because i believe that americans should have their tax dollars and be able to spend them rather than the federal government spending them on things like punctuation when we can just use colloquialisms doggone it and they save the hardworking taxpayer money also we should talk in circles and get rid of punctuation which i believe is a personal choice that due to my own personal opinion on that particular issue i choose not to use punctuation but that does not mean that the middle class can not either they will be able to afford punctuation on their own with mccains tax cuts for joe six pack that he can pass even against the wishes of some in his own party that as the original maverick he is able to pass such as forthcoming legislation against punctuation and gay marriage and i mean to say that some of my best friends happen to be gay but personally i want to protect the tradition of marraige in our great country of ours and also preserve the continuity of sentences

This is a fair and balanced blog now.

After so many transparently partisan* attacks on the McCain-Palin ticket (He had an affair with a lobbyist and writes shitty op-eds, she is underhanded and has no experience) the NYTimes finally soldiered up the integrity to attempt a similar takedown of Joe Biden. (Barack "Jesus" Obama has never done anything wrong.) Of course, it was a half-hearted attempt of innuendo that was quickly relegated to the Politics section, gracing the front page for nary a day.

Focusing on the favors the credit-loving hack Senator enjoys in his home state, the all-too-common buried lede debunks his main character building experience:

Beyond landscaping costs, one of the Biden campaign’s largest regular expenditures is for Amtrak tickets for the senator and his aides or consultants. Going back to 2001, those expenses typically ranged from $9,000 to $15,000 a year — far exceeding that of his colleagues in Delaware’s Congressional delegation, whose campaigns spent between $500 and $3,000, federal election records show. Like Mr. Biden, Delaware’s other senator, Thomas R. Carper, and Representative Michael N. Castle commute daily to Washington, their offices said.

Biden, of course, typically makes a point in stump speeches of relating to Joe Six-Pack-With-a-Lower-IQ by talking about his daily commute. It started as a way for him to visit his two young sons after his wife and daughter died in a automobile crash. Now it is a way for him to chill at his lakefront mansion. Senator, I served with Calvin's Dad: I knew Calvin's Dad; Calvin's Dad was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Calvin's Dad. You're cool if I plagiarized that, right Joe?

It is at this point that we left-coast elitists need to remind ourselves of the life of an average American in these trying, desperate economic times. The average American lives in a small town where the manufacturing/call center job he/she used to work at was recently outsourced due to NAFTA/globalization. Sure, the average American could get a new, depressing job at the meatpacking plant/maximum security prison, but the pay is less and it is 100 miles away. Gas prices what they are, a commute is out of the question, and he/she can't sell the house and move there ever since the housing bubble popped.

Also, the team lost in the state quarterfinals again this year. Coach should really start playing that Sanderson boy more. A real sparkplug. And what with Nell's son listening to that rap music, we're going to have get Sheriff McKay to keep an eye on him. I know trouble when I see it, I'll tell you what. Sure thing Jimmy, if I ever see him near your darling Sandra you'll be the first to know.

Anyway -- the point is, the Average American doesn't want to hear about how your campaign spends $10K a year shuttling you and your staff up and down the eastern seaboard so you can be kicking it on your badass deck before the fireflies come out. As much that can be said for the Palin VP pick being a cynical stab at chromosomal inclusivity -- the Biden pick is the same kind of rote process that gave us the uninspiring banality of Kerry and Lieberman. Hang around Washington long enough, and it will eventually be your turn. Yeah, even you there playing kickball.

Tonight's debate will be a fascinating matchup between someone who can't talk in complete sentences, and someone who completes way too many. We won't be liveblogging it! Don't stay tuned!

*In an ironical sense. It's not partisan if you are right.

"It would be funnier if it wasn't sad"

Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain

From the district that brought you David Duke!

It wasn't long after the creation of Das Bloggy Blog that we were inundated with charges of elitism -- the kind of elitism that is too cool for quirky movies and the Olympics. Sure, every once in awhile Das Bloggy Blog could be spotted ironically double fisting PBR at a "dive bar" like the common man, but generally we were full of expensive microbrew, casual snark, and incestuous linking. We didn't know where the blog ended and where real life began -- it wasn't long before we had alienated everyone we held dear and were left with nothing but pithy pageviews and threaded comments in our head. But it should be noted, to those that haven't disavowed us already, that we never publicly advocated for the sterilization of the poor.

We never brainstormed this idea, kicked it around informally to colleagues, and leaked it to the press. We never whined that such a 'radical' idea would never be accepted politically, and we never preemptively came up with arguments that it wasn't racist.

We say this because Louisiana State Rep. John LaBruzzo, did. Straight outta Ol' Metry, LaBruzzo wants to pay poor Louisianians $1000 for a sterilization procedure -- and also give a little per diem to educated Americans, hardworking Americans as well for popping out more future Republicans:

"What I'm really studying is any and all possibilities that we can reduce the number of people that are going from generational welfare to generational welfare, " he said.

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

It also could include tax incentives for college-educated, higher-income people to have more children, he said.

We know comparing everyone to Nazis is soooooo 2007, but there really isn't any other way to react to this. We know it must be hard these days, with gas prices what they are, to come up with new and innovative ways to appeal to your racist electorate. But seriously, next time just talk about resurrecting the rotting corpse of Harry Lee and how much you appreciate McCain's values. As you could guess, some of the unmoderated NOLA.commenters absolutely LOVED this idea (the eugenics one):

WhoaNellie: Awesome idea. One that I have bee saying for years. $1,000.00 is to cheap, let's make it $5,000.00. Beleive me we will come out way ahead. Anybody who wants it is in. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than people who can't afford another child that keep busting them out. Come on people!!! We are paying for the whole ride from cradle to grave. Everything... This is not about race, it is about trying to provide a reasonable quality of life. I only have 2 kids because that is what I can handle. Sure I could have had more, but that is not right.

Oh yea, how wonderfull it is for crackheads and other low lifes to keep on having babies. Think about it people. $5,000.00 is a bargain...

crispyfried: Great idea!,i'm all for it. That thousand will be taken by hundreds probably thousands or more faster than you can blink an eye!.Something has to be done with this welfare crap. It's not working now and neither are the ones receiving it!. Finally someone that speaks the truth and also sees the problems.This guy has the solution everybody cries about. Believe me there's more people than on these blogs that will love this idea.

Truth be told however, they did not seem to make up the majority. If you will forgive us, we'll be going on hiatus shortly in order to work on this country's economic deficit.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do for Some Companies

When we last left this story, we had passively broken up with our first long-term credit card company, Kapital Eins. They had been sending obvious signals, like letters saying we could cancel the account by not agreeing to a cash advance fee. They even suggested a private location for the breakup, namely their automated cancellation line. This was great, because we have no balls. A lot less drama than the time we broke up with Cingular at Bistro du Sud: The salade niçoise stains never came out of our white linen sports coat, and the waitstaff still snickers when we stroll by.

Well, they must be having quite the dry spell, because we just recieved a 1AM text from them in the form of a random $4.20 check in the mail. What is this for you ask? Do they just feel lonely that their roommate is out of town for the weekend? We sure as hell took all of our How I Met Your Mother DVDs back when we stormed out of their place -- with nary a negative balance in sight. Silly us, we thought they had been getting the hint.

Sure, Kapital Eins says they just want to have a casual drink or two and catch up. But we know that the moment we deposit that check they will reopen our account and start racking up fees on that $4.20 "cash advance". And lets be honest, $4.20 isn't even enough to buy a dime bag these days! (Heyoh!) We think its about time our new credit purveyor, Chuck Schwab, slid up aside, put their arm around us, looked Kapital Eins right in the eye, and said that we didn't wan't to talk to or see them any longer.