Breaking Up Is Hard to Do for Some Companies

When we last left this story, we had passively broken up with our first long-term credit card company, Kapital Eins. They had been sending obvious signals, like letters saying we could cancel the account by not agreeing to a cash advance fee. They even suggested a private location for the breakup, namely their automated cancellation line. This was great, because we have no balls. A lot less drama than the time we broke up with Cingular at Bistro du Sud: The salade niçoise stains never came out of our white linen sports coat, and the waitstaff still snickers when we stroll by.

Well, they must be having quite the dry spell, because we just recieved a 1AM text from them in the form of a random $4.20 check in the mail. What is this for you ask? Do they just feel lonely that their roommate is out of town for the weekend? We sure as hell took all of our How I Met Your Mother DVDs back when we stormed out of their place -- with nary a negative balance in sight. Silly us, we thought they had been getting the hint.

Sure, Kapital Eins says they just want to have a casual drink or two and catch up. But we know that the moment we deposit that check they will reopen our account and start racking up fees on that $4.20 "cash advance". And lets be honest, $4.20 isn't even enough to buy a dime bag these days! (Heyoh!) We think its about time our new credit purveyor, Chuck Schwab, slid up aside, put their arm around us, looked Kapital Eins right in the eye, and said that we didn't wan't to talk to or see them any longer.

Hey, Buddy, the door is right over there...

Capital One is well known for their great commercials and shitty credit cards. They also like to buy out banks and lay off the workforce. For this Bloggy Blogster, a Capital One card was our first foray into the exciting world of temporary debt. We always paid off the balance in full on our way to choir practice. But, one time we were like a day late and got a 30$ late payment fee. The CSR lied about taking the fee off, even after browbeating us for 10 minutes about it. So we got another card from Schwab and stopped using theirs.

It seems a lot of people had the same brilliant idea, and with the economic downturn, Kapital Eins wants to limit their exposure. Sometimes they just cancel your card. For a solid financial bet like Bloggy Blog, however, they get passive aggressive:

Hey, so we were thinking about actually raising your cash advance fee and stuff, so if thats like, not cool or something, you could like call this number and cancel your account, you know if you like, wanted to. It's like automated and stuff, so you won't even have to talk to a real person.

It's OK, Kapital Eins. We can take a hint[sheds tear]. So, if you want to cancel your card as well, that number is 1-800-261-3718.