Even in high-heeled boots, you still must use a lot of low-angle shots to make Javier Bardem look really tall.

We here at Bloggy Blog got around to seeing a movie we already referenced, and let it be known -- the reference still stands! We enjoyed the Coen Brother's remake of 1986's Blue Velvet. In them, a small-towny young man is aimlessly walking around a field where he finds an ear/2 million dollars. This unforgettable find leads him to a tangled web of intrigue, violence, and a pure-evil psychopath type that carries around a creepy gas tank. Both films have a decidedly 'retro' ambiance, and annoying old ladies that don't quite steal the scenes they were intended to. However, the Greater-Houston area audience in the theater we saw it in sure liked her quip about Mexicans in suits! [Borat Voice]High five, Lou Dobbs![/Borat Voice]

I Want My, I Want My, I Want My MP3s

So, our two-year old mp3 playa broke in a silly way this week, with the power cable connection housing fracturing and breaking from the circuit board. It was a good run. We originally bought the 40gb Creative Nomad Jukebox Zen Xtra because it was a high capicity, no-nonsense player with a user replaceable battery and a DRM-free software interface. It's downsides of size and battery life didn't really matter to us; we just wanted to put all of our music on one player and let it play through some speakers at wërkenzie.

Well, a brief tour through the World Wide Web for a new mp3 player showed that Creative had conceded the high-capacity mp3 player market. Dismayed, we anguished between the expensive, fanboy cliché iPod, and the probably shitty Microsoft Zune.

Then inspiration struck us down like a thunderbolt from Baby Jesus herself: buy one of the used 30gb versions floating around Amazon Marketplace (fer $130) and switch out the hard drives! Will this harebrained scheme bring back the sultry sounds of Kraftwerk et. al. to the lab? Will there be some kind of lame 'firmware' problem? We will update you, and we know you will be refreshing this page every 30 seconds until the answer comes!

The Fox News Commode Stall Wall that is the NOLA.com Comment Board

The website of the New Orleans Times Picayune is NOLA.com, and has an unmoderated comments column at the end of every article ... and thus has turned into the call in segment of a Rush Limbaugh radio show circa 1996. Lets lead off with the nuanced position of 'cjdla', who writes in responding to a story about a string of Cuckoo Nest-style escapes from a juvenile facility involving 15-17 year olds:

"I say when they catch them put a bullet in thier head., i guarantee one of these thugs will kill someone before they die"

At heart, cjdla is simply a proponent of "No Country For Old Men" style conflict resolution. Of course every Hannity needs a Colmes, or in this case a 'SPATZMAN', who advocates an alternative housing plan for the soon-to-be displaced homeless encampment near city hall:

"Ok enough is enough. Let Stacy Head take all those homeless people to her house. We need to move forward and not worry about a bunch of bums who have spent years milking the system. If Stacy can"t take them home this evening let the Fire Department give them a bath every morning . They will move.Spatzer"

Indeed, spoken elequently from years of personal experience by the Spatz-dawg. Gotta dig that Spatz-miester! This next poster, 'cardsup2', is a student from the prestigious School of Hard Knocks who only wishes his life was as awesome as displaced public housing residents:

"I'm a student making an income equal to the small percentage of previous public housing residents with jobs(which i believe was only under 30% of residents), and all I can say is this; i only wish I could send my rent bill, my power bill, my water bill to the city to pay. But I can't, i have to budget, I have to save, I have to practice smart spending (no $12,000 bling rims for my ride), and if I come up short, do I march on city hall demanding that the government foot my bill? Heck no, if I come up short on my rent, I get kicked out, if I come up short on my power, the lights go off... if you saw my white face marching on city hall, I would be laughed at and called "privelidged" even though I am far from it."

Shit, no bling rims? Budgets? Bills? When oh when will this war on the middle class end?

We Think Your Wife Is A Whore, Sincerely Kay Jewelers

We're going to chime in here and take exception to the line of commercials that come around like yuletide clockwork this time of year, the "Every Kiss Begins With Kay" ones. They convey the message that all marriages are loveless, cold affairs where a material transaction is necessary to initiate physical intimacy. And not just any material transaction, no, if you want to kiss your wife you had better have a gemstone/metal composite from Kay Jewelers in a box with a ribbon on it and some grade school poetry to introduce it. Plus, if you want tongue, you had better get your kids to memorize some of your prose, and recite it with perfect timing.

Bloggy Blog understands the need for jewelery advertisements; anything that takes the guesswork out of buying jewelery gives the typical American male more time to eat jerky and visit his kids from his first marriage (before he had enough money for Kay Jewelery). Drive to the mall, plop $700 down, and pre-moisten lips in anticipation of the slobbery embrace that is sure to come. Sounds like a plan. However, despite the footlong-turkey sub connotations ("He went to Jared"), the taglines of their competitors are preferable because they are less explicit about what they think you think about your wife.

Photo: Hans van de Bruggen

Redface is Not Acceptable

Deadspin brought up the question only to dance away from it, while King Kaufman addressed it correctly: Why was this considered acceptable by Jacobs field security and the major media outlets who distributed this image without comment? Why are racial caricatures of Native Americans continually being used as front images for high-profile, multi-million dollar sports organizations? It should probably be noted that the roster of their opponent that night, the Boston Red Sox, includes a rookie who will probably end up as the greatest Native-American baseball player of all time. It's very saddening to see such inconsistent sensitivity in this country (and I mean that un-ironically). Our own letter to Dan Snyder and Roger Goodell regarding the slurry-ass name of their Washington D.C. franchise went unanswered. It's well-past time for high-profile civil rights activists and politicians to force sports teams hands; when will these teams names reflect the social normalities of the public at large?

Even a Drunk Squirrel Finds a Beer Nut Now and Then

It was only one week ago that Saints coach Sean Payton, after symbolically burying the team's 2006 season, then showing the team a literal 'empty bandwagon', then exhuming that same 2006 season, symbolically scattered the ashes of the 2007 season off a Lake Pontchartrain pier. He soon got sidetracked, muttering that the 2007 Saints season died too soon, much like the careers of talented replacement quarterbacks in the 1980s... Drew Brees sensed this was some type of film reference and chimed in, "Hey, Coach, just remember to put the cover page on your TPS reports". Sean burned inside -- besides having the ability to MAKE field goals, the departed John Carney alone possesed the innate talent to correctly pick up on a Big Lebowski reference -- without showboating. He would have taken the team to Rock-N-Bowl for white russians to hammer the point home, but the last thing he needed was another foot injury to Scott Fujita.

Well, after one win over a glacial Seahawks team that appeared jet-lagged in their own time-zone, those same soggy, mercury laden ashes have been symbolically dried and snorted by Coach Payton as if they were Keith Richard's dad. The Sam Rothsteins of Las Vegas must have been snorting something else entirely -- the Saints are 9-point favorites in this season's first iteration of the Dirty South bowl against the Atlanta Falcons. We here at Bloggy Blog don't care how awesome the Saints looked playing an opponent who couldn't punt without fumbling or even recover fumbles within their own defensive secondary -- in a game between two 1 win teams the line shouldn't be more than 4.5.

Consumer Affairs

Besides the opportunity to write in first person plural, we started Bloggy Blog as a forum to talk about Consumer Issues that we have faced. We here at Bloggy Blog are big fans of the Consumerist and have started our own blog instead of emailing them with every little thing. Plus, we won't have to read about iPhone rebates as much.

If you aren't aware, Bloggy Blog is very fashionable in terms of clothes, and is a big fan of buying clearance sctüffenzie from normally expensive clothing outlets. You get the premium quality at 'new at midrange store' price.

Anyway, to get to the point, Kenneth Cole's customer service sucks. Bloggy Blog ordered a shirt, pants, and shoes from their online clearance section, and the shirt and shoes arrived ~1 week later. Then an email arrived said that the $30 pants Bloggy Blog had ordered were canceled since they were not actually in stock. We wanted some of the shipping charges refunded, as for instance, if another pair were ordered, the shipping would be $7. Charging for shipping and then canceling the order without refunding an appropriate portion of shipping fees is like stealing, right? Well, Mr. Cole has not seen it fit to return Bloggy Blog's emails, customer service forms, or even answer the phone. And so Mr. Cole, shame on YOU. Bloggy Blog is thinking about complaining to the BBB, as this has worked well in the past with other companies.

While this has been said before, the salespeople at expensive New York stores are silently judging you. Upon entering Mr. Cole's store near Union Square, Bloggy Blog was quickly examined from head to toe by guy that stands at the front. We're guessing from the state of our decrepit Vans, this was not a favorable judging. For the record, Bloggy Blog is not outraged or surprised that this business practice exists -- but is disappointed that it is executed in such a transparent and unsophisticated manner. After all, if this is the level of subtlety required for the position, why not just hire bouncers from Duvet?

UPDATE
This isn't the first time this has happened...

Welkommen!

Hi, Reader:

You are unfortunately wasting your time reading drivel that never should have been Pollacked out there on the internetz in the first place. BloggyBlog strives to inhabit all of the cliches of modern blogdom -- alternating their meanings between ironically and genuinely. The first person plural tense will be used ironically, because we at Bloggy Blog think this is the best way to entertain you, the reader. Note that we will refer to you in the second person singular, implying that the multitudes of bloggers employed by Bloggy Blog are only read by one person. (Are we that one person? Probably.) We're unpopular like that. Have you picked up on our excessive self-depreciation yet? If you are thinking that using the first person plural tense is the only reason we are writing this blog, you are correct. Also, fake german will be used as much as possible, and 100% of Bloggy Blog will be reportedly written inside an independent cafe with free Wi-Fi.