4 "Money-Saving" Tips That Could Very Well Backfire

In these dire economic times, in which we don't read Cormac McCarthy's The Road because we are already living in a post-apocalyptic nightmarescape of depravation, lists of so-called "money-saving" tips (MST) are thrown at us like crescents of fire from a certain Mega Man boss. (We won't make you guess which one, it is Fire Man)

Here are 4 of those tips that could very well backfire and leave you in an even deeper roadside ditch of poverty:

1. Make your own coffee: No list of MST is complete without this one. After all, if you get one of those crazy $5.19 lattes every day you go to work, that is like $1200 a year!! With that kind of money, you could buy one of those flat-screen HDTV that are becoming a default purchase nowadays. So, the obvious alternative is to make your own coffee at home and at work. But for some of us, and we're not naming names yet looking straight into the mirror, doing this just increases coffee consumption. Around NYC, stand coffee costs like $1.50. Downgrading your elitist tastes and controlling your coffee intake to when it is actually needed is the real way to save money here.
2. Do Everything Yourself: To really bump of the volume of tips, MST lists will have numerous entries of "Make/Do _______ Yourself". Besides the lower sticker price, presumptive health benefits from the exercise you will get by doing every goddamned task yourself are also inserted as fact. But, these tips often neglect capital costs and the arduous time spent perfecting a new trade. Here at Das Bloggy Blog HQ, we make our own beer(decent), laundry detergent(meh), and crystal meth(smelly, yet profitable); however much like the guy with the guitar, shaggy hair, and Converse All Stars, we aren't in it for the money. Unless you are getting some sort of innate pleasure from your Tyler Durden wet-dream, its best to leave the farming, seamstressing, and pad-thai making to the professionals.
3. Undermine Yourself: Most of us have better things to do than set traps and inconveniences to protect ourselves from a lack of willpower, such as treating your credit cards like Han Solo to make them less convenient. Seriously, if you have to resort to stuff like that, you might as well hire a trucker hatted douchebag to sit in a van and laugh at you while you fuck up your life.
4. Buy Gadgets: Let's face it, people like to buy stuff. But buying yuppie gadgets won't save you money (they actually cost money). Sure, energy efficient versions of things you already use, like CFLs, are a good idea. But you won't have many reasons to drive your fuel efficient Vespa if you are at home with your new your chromed-out espresso maker and Dance Dance Revolution machine. Most of these tips just lead to #2.