We're on Team STFU

The most culturally transcendent moment of 2010 in America was undoubtedly the war over "The Tonight Show", in which the fears and stereotypes of generational angst played out on the national stage. Every audience member in this great show had the opportunity to jeer and opionionate with this ugly episode.

Quarterlife Crisis Vol. 1: Setting the Scene

A Tendinitis Cure?

A few years ago, we were in daily pain. We loved to play basketball, but our knee did not. Patellar tendinitis, aka "Jumper's Knee", flared up without fail after playing. The next few days would be filled with grimaces and sometimes a slight limp. When the pain subsided enough, we would play again and the cycle would begin anew. We tried taking OTC anti-inflammatories like Ibuprofen or Aleve, but they would only provide momentary relief. We couldn't just take them all the time because we didn't want to end up like Alonzo Mourning. Even a month's rest (because of ankle sprains) did little to 'quell the beast'; we had been suffering from tendinitis for over a year. A cure came from an unlikely source: binge drinking/eating at a crawfish boil.

About That Henry Rollins Video

By any measure, Henry Rollins has had more success in music and acting than 99% of the people who try to 'break in' to those industries. He quit an ice cream job in DC to join the already established hardcore punk institution known as Black Flag. Disaffected, 'damaged' teenagers countrywide still don their hoodies in respect. Lately his film career has been built on playing 'crazy roughs' like the prison guard in Lost Highway, and the neoNazi who raped Peggy Bundy in Sons of Anarchy. You would think that his ability to carve a career in things that are very competitive would give him a sense of calm confidence in middle age. No, in fact he's incredibly insecure and lashes out angrily towards things he has trouble understanding.

Found Art: The Most "American" Object Ever?

It was in the bargain aisle of a discount store that we found an object that symbolizes American culture more than any other object we have ever seen. For only $4, we had to buy it.

Skillslate: Matching Clients And Service Providers

Now, the lazy people who run this blog don't run ads, but we aren't journalistic paragons either. When our good friends Bartek and Adrian (B&A) started a company and asked DBB to write about it, we happily obliged. It turns out that B&A got real jobs after college, and actually have more money than time. The reverse is true for graduate students. So, B&A frequently encounter problems in life that we've only heard about in Drew Barrymore romcoms -- how can one easily find trustworthy service providers?(movers, dogwalkers, hairdressers, etc) At DBB, we don't just do our own laundry, we make our own laundry detergent. For B&A, who took economics classes, nothing crushes their spirit more than a perceived market need going unfulfilled.

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

Now that that teeny oil leak in the gulf is juuuuust about buggered up, its time to get down to the serious question: When do we start eating the shrimp and oysters again? Well, if you must wonder, the answer is "now"! Wait, you don't want to eat this seafood fresh from the Gulf Coast? You're worried about ingesting crude oil components or a toxic, proprietary chemical dispersant formulated by BP? Fuck you, you elitist snob! Didn't you hear that Gulf Coast seafood was entirely safe to eat?!? That's because the MARKETING CAMPAIGN hasn't started yet!

Now Fuck Off Out Of Our Blogspot

Deputy Commissioner Burrell of The Wire may "rather live in shit than let the world see [him] work a shovel", but Gordon Ramsey proved different with the 1998 documentary miniseries Boiling Point. His ego-fulfilling quest to achieve a 3-Michelin starred restaurant demonstrated all of the assholery and dirty work necessary to achieve ephemeral greatness -- and more importantly -- it was captivating television.

City Impressions: Manhattan

City Impressions is a reoccurring Das Bloggy Blog feature in which, after only a few days of experiencing a 'city of interest', sweeping generalizations about "how this city is" will be given. Certain to annoy locals, assuredly we will "not get it" and not have experienced the "real" city of interest.

We Thought This Was Basketball, Not Rugby

Since most NBA championships are as lopsided as a typical Super Bowl, a Game 7 should be the most dramatic event that the sport has to offer. But even with the Lakers down as much as 13 late in the game, the outcome never really seemed to be in question. Whenever the refs swallow their whistles as completely as they did in this contest, all in the misguided effort to "let the players play the game", it completely alters the style of play to the point that the action on the television no longer resembles what viewers know as "NBA basketball". Instead, it becomes the least tasteful brand of basketball known: Pickup basketball being taken way too seriously.

GOTTA GET THE GEAR!!!

It's tough to say whether excess consumption created the suburbs or was created by it. Those big houses gotta be filled up with something, and conversely, one needs a big house to hold all of ones stuff. But this much is true: this country has one fucked up addition to stuff.

Farmer's Tan, Indeed

When we posted about the unpaid butchery internship at Marlow and Daughters, we suspiciously got 30 hits. Somebody's been checking their Google Alerts! In the name of getting lots of pageviews, we've got to pass along another great volunteering opportunity. The Brooklyn Grange, a for-profit profit making enterprise, is located on a rooftop in Queens and would like you to shovel some synthetic dirt around for exactly zero compensation:

Hello all,

We're excited to announce that we're headed into the second phase of construction this week! Brooklyn Grange will once again commence work on the roof of 37-18 Northern Boulevard tomorrow, Thursday, May 20th, at 6:30am.

Fun With Numerical Methods in LaPlace Space

We've all solved partial diffential equations (PDE's) by the LaPlace transform method -- right? You apply the LaPlace transform to the PDE and boundary conditions by looking them up on LaPlace transform tables. After applying the transformed initial condition, you're left with an ODE that can usually be solved analytically without too much difficulty. But then comes the moment of truth -- can you invert your solution back to real space using inverse LaPlace transform tables? In a graduate-level transport class you probably won't be given a PDE that can't by inverted back with the tables, but in real-life these situations can and do arise. Plus, in real-life you usually have some data that you want to fit with your LaPlace-space model. What do you do then? Well, if you really must know...

Prescience

Minions and Minionmasters, revisited

Sure, we've already covered that contemporary youth-oriented social networks are hierarchical and dichotomous. Minionmasters only do awesome shit, and minions aspire to receive their approval. But lately we've been noticing sub-par minion recruiting techniques done onto ourselves and others by some mid-level minionmasters. These minionmastering techniques have come off so transparent that we wonder, are we getting old and wise enough to percieve them in real-time or are these minionmasters we're encountering just bad at what they do? It's a little of both.

Polacy: Proszę Jeść Fasolę Czerwoną (z Ryżem)

Na okazję przyjęcia przyjaciół, chcieliśmy zgotować nasze ulubione danie w tamtym czasie: Fasola Czerwona i Ryż. To danie jest jedzone tradycyjnie w poniedziałek w Nowym Orleanie. Jednakże, Polacy na przyjęciu oglądali to danie podejrzliwie. Dziwiliśmy się dlaczego i wtedy nasz przyjaciel pochylił się nad nami i zwierzył się: "Polacy nie lubią fasoli". Byliśmy zaskoczeni ale przyjaciel ma rację. Książki kucharskie polskie tylko mają dwa albo trzy przepisy z fasolą. Chociaż istnieje wielki wybór zdrowej i smacznej fasoli, polskie sklepy spożywcze mają często tylko fasole małą i białą. Pojedynczo, Polacy twierdzą, że lubią fasolę, ale menu w restauracjach polskich sugerują inaczej. Dlaczego, napiszmy tu przepis na fasolę czerwoną z ryżem.

1 funt fasoli czerwonej suchej, przebrać i opłukać
0.5 funta golonki wędzonej (nieobowiązkowo)
3 liście laurowe
1 szczypta ziół suchych: (niekoniecznie)

• pietruszka
• bazylia
• tarragon
• majeranek
• tymianek

Najlepiej gotować fasolę w garnku powolnego gotowania (we wolnowarze). Włóż fasolę, golonkę, liście laurowe i zioła w kuchence powolnej, i zalej woda. Gotuj osiem godzin. Fasolę można gotować naprzód.




1 pęto kiełbasy

• 1/3 pokroić w plastry
• 1/3 pokroić na połówki plastrów
• 1/3 pokroić na ćwiartki plastrów
  

1 papryka zielona posiekana
1 papryka czerwona posiekana
1 cebula średnia żółta posiekana
3 ząbki czosnku zmielone
5 selerów polonijnych w plastry
3 łyżki stołowe masła, tłuszczu,
albo (sic!) oleju roślinnego
sol i pieprz kajeński

Kiedy fasola jest ugotowana, najpierw podsmaż cebule na maśle albo tłuszczu aż stanie się półprzezroczysta. Wtedy, dodaj paprykę, czosnek i kiełbasę. Kiedy papryka zmięknie, dodaj selery. Kilka minut potem dodaj fasolę i podgrzej. Przypraw solą i pieprzem kajeńskim. Podawać na ryżu.

Welcome to the Jungle

Butchering animals for a living used to be something you went to college to avoid, but in the up is down, PBR is table wine, "humanely raised = vegan" world of noveau-Williamsburgherlund, the dumbest generation ever has taken an unironic interest in the craft. But, "in this economy" you can only wish that you could butcher animals for a living. No, you will passionately butcher animals in your spare time, for free, for the profit of a profit-generating enterprise.

Buying Glasses Online

photo by josh

Lately we've been sporting some clunky, thick-framed black glasses that would have been stylish in Hipsterville, oh 5-8 years ago. Luckily for us, this puts us right on the cutting edge of Engineeringdom. As a defense mechanism for coming off as some kind of hoity-toity downtown motherfucker, we postscript our responses to comments about them with "They were $40 online". It's a fact -- you can buy the same quality frames sold in stores easily for that much, including the lenses, coatings, and shipping. In this post we pass along our experiences on the subject.

When The Pressure Is On, Just Shockey The World

We bought plane tix to NOLA as soon as Garrett Hartley's kick went through the uprights and broke Brett Favre's ankle. Otherwise, we couldn't have looked ourselves in the mirror as Saints fans. Lucky enough to watch the game on a projection screen! with perfectly synced! audio in the French quarter!, we then hit Burbs drinking Modelos from Rouse's. It was an all-time great weekend, complete with ALL the faves: Central Grocery, Pho Tau Bay, Babylon, and Cafe Reconcile.

Want Wal-Mart To Steal Your Ideas?

We remember in the early 2000s when the guitarist for Limp Bizkit quit and the search for a replacement took the form of open auditions in Guitar Centers across the country.  Prospective Bizkits had to play original material, which was recorded, and sign an obligatory waiver.  Not only did the shrewd Durst eschew all the contestants in favor of the "guy from Korn"-- as internet theorists claim -- he had an album's worth of riffs to steal without liability.  In this spirit, we would like to publicize the 2010 Walmart Better Living Business Plan Challenge!

Freestyle Chickpea and Sourmilk Bread

Just about every type of food that can be dried and ground up is sold in flour form by Barry Farm.  Using the buckwheat flour for pancakes has been a long-time love of ours, but we were a bit dumbfounded about how to use the chickpea flour we impulse bought.  We've also been flipping through Wild Fermentation by Sandor Katz for tips on making home-fermented foods like Kim Chi.  Rather than just listing recipes (we hate following recipes), Sandor takes the time to explain the basic frameworks behind everything.  That way you are encouraged to improvise while still being assured of edible results.  People may think of sourdough bread-baking as annoyingly exacting, but with the right strategy you can throw almost anything in and thus have fun while doing it.

The Pollanization of Uhmerica

Last week we witnessed the great Poe-Lan address a Barnes and Nobles room chock-full of weirdos to promote his new novella.   It's a crowdsourced compendium of common-sense commandments that can ruin your relationship with fat friends and family as a transparent and awkward gift.  His original seven word edict (Eat Food Not Too Much Mostly Plants) was a bit too enigmatic, so he made like sixty rules of thumb that can be accompanied by smug chuckling.  While it should really be a free pamphlet or series of blog posts, his publisher would much rather add in some light sketches of real food, and charge for it.

Just to Piss Off RockinnRetarded, Who Often Wistfully Fantasizes About Being the 4th Manning Brother

After pissing the regular season away, and during the bye-week before the inevitable, glorious one-and-done, we have some time to discuss an issue that has been really nagging us: why is Archie Manning so revered?